Milo Minousky's Munchkinland

I've been a busy kitty lately. No time to write! Mom came home early from work because she wasn't feeling well, and while she typed on the couch, I stretched next to her. Right on top of her jacket. She can now feel the healing powers of my fur. Lucky her.

Ed. note: The costume was just lying on the freebie table! How could I not?

What the hell is this Milo's Kitchen shit, Del Monte?!

No, seriously, I would like to know!

Everyone knows that Mom has been hatching plans for MILO MINOUSKY'S TASTY VITTLES (or treats, we were still ironing that out) for YEARS. Crap.

Corporate pet food still sucks.

Mom, Roo Mate, and their boyfriends were hanging out on Sunday morning. They discussed many things, including our neighbors who were clearly high on cocaine the other night. We kind of loathe their noise.

Anyway, Minou got tired of the jibber jabber and got to work, as you can see from this screen capture of Mom's Facebook, which shows Roo Mate's photo of Minou looking at Craig's Facebook. We're getting so meta over here. On another note, my Facebook fan page shows no signs of stopping. And by stopping, I mean starting.

So yeah, this weekend I'm kinda busy with the rapture and all. It's scheduled for Saturday, and I have no doubt that my pious mother will be whisked away, leaving me and Minou all alone to fend for ourselves. (We've never been baptized.) Good thing there's this. During the months before we are destroyed this October, I plan to read a bunch of Left Behind books, gaze at my Kirk Cameron poster, and enjoy the post-Rapture care that Mom has so lovingly provided.

SGF received an email from Adobe the other day. Adobe wanted him to buy some software, and was trying to tempt him to do so by featuring an impostor... of me! That fake Milo is trying to steal the modeling gigs that I so richly deserve. This really bothers me for a few reasons:

1. Doesn't Adobe know that it's Mom, not SGF, who plays around in Photoshop?
1a. One of my pet (ha!) peeves is when people cap the S in Photoshop, like PhotoShop. It's not PhotoShop. Just Photoshop.
2. That cat probably got paid a lot of money to appear in the ad. Plus, you know there are residuals.
3. That cat is capitalizing on my popularity (hi, all three readers!) to make said cash.
4. I am twice as cute as that cat. He doesn't even have short legs. Plus, he has a weird baby head growing out of his belly. Don't try to fool me. I've seen Alien.

In summary, if you are considering a software purchase, I would really appreciate it if you wrote Adobe. Sample letter is provided for your convenience:

Dear Adobe,

I am interested in buying Photoshop or one of your many other expensive products. However, I cannot support any company that would knowingly employ a fake Milo Minousky. Everybody knows there is only one short-legged handsome Munchkin who should be selling products — and he is not a mutant with a baby head popping out of his body. Since you cheaped out on hiring a true cat model, how am I to know whether you have scrimped on other necessary parts of software development? Please hire Milo for your next campaign, and pay him plenty in cash and catnip, so that I may again feel confident in purchasing your wares.

Sincerely,
YOUR NAME HERE

So get to it, YOUR NAME HERE. I look forward to seeing the fruits of your labor.

Poop in the shoes? Vomit on the bed? Or maybe a nice hairball on Mom's face while she sleeps. You see, I'm trying to decide on the best mode of retaliation for this insulting chicken hat. The oppression I face is immeasurable. She must pay.

Let's get one thing straight: cats EAT chicken. (Actually, Minou and I don't, but y'know, in theory.) We do not wish to dress up as chickens, even if it makes Mom giddy and gleeful. Although I was forced to wear this hat -- or is it more of a bonnet? -- for only a minute, picking up the pieces of my shattered dignity may take a lifetime.

In a fit of energy (read: avoiding work on creative projects), Mom decided to rearrange the furniture in her room. The feng shui shakeup has really done a number on me. For instance, there's more room for floor romping activities, which I really enjoy. In addition, my new thing is hopping on the bed, moving to the dresser, and drinking water out of Mom's glass.

The first time I did this, Mom was juuuuust about to fall asleep. Then Mom heard the thwip-thwip-thwip of my tongue hitting water. She opened her eyes and witnessed me drinking -- guzzling, actually, if cats could guzzle -- from her water glass. "Her" water glass, I say, but you and I both know that the water glass is for ME, and I am nice enough to let Mom drink from it. Anyway, yeah, I do this all the time now. Never did it before. Feng shui is REAL!

Let's get one thing straight. Kitties don't like rain, especially not Munchkins who enjoy prowling on the back porch. I've been so ornery lately. Ever since Mom returned from Mexico, it's been raining. There was one day of sun. One! Meanwhile, Minou and I are effectively stuck indoors. Sure, we could go outside — and occasionally I do, tracking dirty wet paw prints — but for the most part we stay inside. I'm starting to go bonkers. Last night I chased my tail on the bed while Mom slept, and I was also found hiding out underneath this umbrella. Naturally, as soon as Mom managed to find her phone camera, I was already on the move. But you get the idea.